Another Tribute to those Crazy Obelisks
by Jerex
Summary: Alexis is in trouble, Crowler's plotting and Atticus has a libary of blackmail material. Zane and Chazz in a dream sequence that sucks Alexis in as well,Tempairly on hatius
1. MBIADDGMOOH

Part 1) My Brother Is A Deranged Deviant Get Me Out Of Here (MBIADDGMOOH)

"No way" declares Alexis stubbornly as she folds her arms.

"But Miss Rhodes" protests Crowler flailing his/her/it's arms dramatically "you'd be the star of the show, the talk of the day, the belle of the ball" he winds down to pause for breath.

"There's no way in hell you could convince me to wear that costume" Alexis snarls her left eye twitches slightly.

"Oh dear" sighs Crowler "I really didn't have to resort to this you know, but you leave me no choice" she bursts into a full blown evil maniacal cackle "Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha…" Crowler throws back his head and lets her evil laughter fill the whole of Duel Academy.

Cut to Slifer Dorms, Jaden's room.

"C'mon Sy" Jaden says Jaden "it's only Crowler again, don't worry nothings going to happen to you" he smiles charmingly at Syrus who is cowering and shivering under the bed (a space that's only about 9 cm high) how he'd managed to fit in such a small space hadn't occurred to Jaden but was confusing Chumley as he mused on it over a grilled cheese sandwich.

"He's most likely just come up with another plan to expel me, isn't that great" Jadens enthusiasm was mildly disturbing he was even doing a little tap dance of joy.

"Mwa HA HA HA HA HA!"

Zane was standing at the docks on the pier by the lighthouse basking in the tranquility as a light breeze wafts past, tugging at his hair, his eyes closed when Crowlers deranged cackling reached his ears, he opens his eyes reluctantly but refuses to look back.

"Either Crowlers attempting to get Jaden thrown of the island again" Zane says aloofly "or Alexi is in trouble"

While everyone on the island listened Crowler's cackling…no wait that sentence doesn't make sense, bear with me……ah got it…Everyone on the island heard Crowlers insane cackling except for Chazz…that's better.

Chazz was having a lay in with his earplugs so he never heard a thing.

"Of course I accept the honor and title of Duel King Mr. Kaiba I'm the best" he rolls over onto his side "Oh Pamela, Pamela, of course I will marry you Miss Anderson"

Bastion Misawa winces "how can I concentrate on proving the quantum mechanics of theoretical particles when interacting with anti-electrons in the anti-matter/strange matter interface if I can't get any silence!" he yells as he drops his marker pens to cover his ears.

Breathing in and out deeply to remain calm Bastion has an epiphany "If I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow while compensating for spatial drift…Eureka! I've found it" he grabs a fresh marker pen wincing that the only colour left was pink and starts scribbling madly over the few clean walls left at the Ra dorms.

Chancellor Sheppard jerks theatrically in his seat in his office dislodging the newspaper that had been muffling his snores "Wosat, I'm not drunk damit I'm on medication, I.." his exclamation dies as he realizes what the noise is "Oh, Crowler I've warned him…her…I've warned Crowler about this before" he studies an extremely long list tacked to the wall beside his desk, it ends in a pile of pages all tacked together on the floor leading up to the first page "Ha it clearly states in the rules that the Vice-chancellor and or head of Obelisk blue dorm is not aloud to burst into maniac laughter unless it's a Monday Morning in September and the year ends in a 0, 4 or 7 and Scotland have won the world cup" he smiles and rubs the back of his shiny bonce "I'll make…Crowler write out 'I must not cackle like a madman while Chancellor Sheppard is slee…trying to concentrate' ten thousand times" he finishes smugly.

Back with Alexis she takes a step away from Crowler and then another step. Crowler stops his full blown evil cackling and takes a deep, deep breath while wobbling a bit.

"I'll give it a Seven" Yugi announces as he appears out of no where to stand to the side of the room behind a long table with a placard saying 'judges' on it, a sign on the front of the table with a large red X on it has been crossed out and 'Insane Idol' has been scribbled over it in felt tip.

"Six" says Tristan sitting on the far right of the table.

"Creepy" Tea sitting to the left of Yugi shivers and Yugi places a comforting hand on her shoulder and a wandering hand on her knee "spine chilling, she shivers again and discreetly removes Yugi's hand "Eight"

"This guy's the worst I've had to listen to yet, I didn't like Kagemaru and Sartorius was a soprano in a scarecrows body, as for Viper he was just awwwful not to mention ugly, but this you come on here dressed like some gay clown and scream like a yodeling yak!"

"Joey this isn't a talent show" Yugi reminds his best friend.

"And no matter how much you want to be you're not Simon Cowell" Tea glares at him huffily.

"But Sh…" protests Joey.

"And stop calling me Sharon!"

"Just give Doctor Fruit loops here a mark out of ten" Tristan tells his long time best buddy.

"Ngg five" Joey to the right of Yugi and the left of Tristan rests his head on his arms sulkily.

"Three" Bakura at the far left of the table says thoughtfully, rubbing at the red hand mark that marred his features (given to him by Tea when the spirit of the ring took over and groped her, still Yugi and Yami were all set to kill him and would have if A) the spirit hadn't relinquished control so that Bakura took the pain of having your face smacked red raw and B) Tristan and Joey hadn't have held him back.)

"Three!" exclaims Crowler "three?"

Bakura's hair flairs up as his face takes on a dark sneer while a demonic edge replaces his angelic features and the spirit of the ring takes over.

"You're not a patch on Marik or even Pegasus for that matter, and as for myself you couldn't beat me if you tried, oh year you did just try and fail" he sneers.

"Come on Dark Bakura" Commands Yami, taking over from Yugi "its time to return to our own fan fic" he leads the group away through a door and out of the fic.

"Don't order me about Pharaoh!" snarls dark Bakura as he follows them from behind pulling a large jewel encrusted knife out of his pocket as he does show "I still have one shot at the pharaoh left" he mutters smirking.

"Okay that was weird" comments Alexis "Oh blast" she chastises herself "I didn't get Yugi's autograph"

"A three!" howls Crowler distraught.

"Well I'll just go then" Alexis says as she makes a brake for the door only to find her big brother standing in the way, she quickly twists round to follow Yugi's group but finds the door they used has vanished in its place is a solid wall "wasn't there a door there a minute ago?" Alexis asks out loud surprised.

"Maybe, maybe not this place is a lot like Hogwarts" Atticus smiles dazzling Alexis who shields her eyes from the beam

"How?" she asks "is Duel academy full of underage wizards"

"No of course not, it's built on an ancient Aztec burial ground" Atticus explains rolling his eyes 'really did he have to explain everything to her?'

'Of course you don't' thinks Alexis snappily.

'Well it seems like it' replies Atticus.

'You didn't move your lips and I'm not even talking' realizes Alexis.

'Great isn't it' Atticus preens 'we have a psychic connection' he claims.

"No we don't" says Alexis hotly.

Atticus concentrates for a few seconds, before admitting "alright we don't, damit I want to be a psychic, I want to be a super powered up super human, and I really, really want X-Ray vision god damit" he howls.

"Alright Atty I'll go find Zane and see if he can help you, I'll be back in a bit" Alexis tries to squeeze past but Alexis grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her back into the room "Hold it right there Sissy" commands Atticus.

"Atticus!" growls Alexis warningly.

"Hey I'm going as Blizzard Prince, Jadens going as, well I'm not really sure but it looks cool, one of those cute first years is dressing up as the Silent Magician and I've heard rumors that someone's gonna show as an Injection Fairy Lily" Atticus actually starts drooling.

"I don't know whether to be disgusted or disturbed by that" comments Alexis

Personally I don't think it was an either/or choice.

"But we need a big show stopper" Crowler pulls herself back to reality "And we just so happen to have a large selection of Harpie Lady costumes that would fit you just perfectly"

"I'm not dressing as a Harpie!" Alexis growls ominously.

"Oh you will" Atticus tells her as he mimes stroking a handlebar moustache "unless you want tonight's amateur video on Academy TV to be Alexis Rhodes a lifetime's humiliation"

Alexis's heart skips a beat "I warned you" gloats Crowler "I won't take no for an answer"

"You" splutters Alexis "You wouldn't" Atticus smirks, folds his arms and leans back against the door frame he raises an eyebrow clearly saying try me "yes you would you bastard!"

"You know" Atticus's eyes glaze over as he thinks "that would make you a…"

"Atticus!!!"

"Senior Rhodes please remain focused" Crowler was uncomftably aware that his latest minion wasn't altogether there.

"Huh? Oh year, every pratfall you've ever made, every fashion disaster, bad hair day, not to mention the naked baby photos and the gawky adolescent vids like that one of you in your first bra"

Alexis visibly cringes and blushes bright red "alright!!" she screams "I'll do it"

"You will?" Atticus sounds disappointed "I was hoping to at least get the school play video you know the one where your skirt falls down in front of the whole school on 'Better watch out Akiro's about'"

"I'll be a Harpie Lady if you destroy all the evidence" Alexis states quickly.

"And have nothing to emotionally blackmail you with in the future nothing doing, but I can promise you my lips are sealed as to the puppy incident" he frowns "that was sad wasn't it?" he continues "your life's highlights will stay under wraps, for now, until the next time I need to blackmail you into doing something" he sends her a beaming smile and bounces out of the room.

"God I can't believe I actually wanted to find him" sighs Alexis giving in to the inevitable.


	2. CZDDATTSS

Part 2) Zane and Chazz the Dynamite Duo, the adventues of the Trenchcoated Traverler and his sidekick the Boy Blunder

Zane was trying to find Alexis he was striding as fast as he could towards the Obelisk blue Girls Dorm, he had used his keen itelectual mind to come up with various theorys as to what was ailing his, well despite what the Alexis Truesdale fan base thought, they weren't an item, so she was a girl and she was a friend that didn't make her his Girlfriend, the reason he was so worried about her was that apart from him, she was the sanest person on the island, at least he could have a normal conversation with her, not that their were many normal topics to talk about in Duel academy.

Technically Male students wern't aloud in the Girls Dorm or on their part of the campus, but no one was going to stop Zane Truesdale if he wanted to enter the Girls Dorm, he was afterall a third year senior student, and the present Head boy and Top student. plus been considered hot by all the female students (and disturbingly several male students) helped, no one was going to turn him in.

He stepped up to the threshold of the dorm and without pausing pushed open the grand doors and entered, it was only slightly smaller than the boys dorm, Zane had never stopped to consider before whether only having a female dorm in oblisk blue meant that all female students became obelisks or if those without connections, money or whose skill level is only up to Ra or Slifer standard were refused admission?

He should have guessed this would happen, for someone who prides himself on been smarter and saner than any of the ussual weirdo's the academy accepts he had just made one hell of a stupid and insane mistake.

Several girls that were in the entrance hall look towards the new arrival, a slight pause and then in union "ZANEYKINS!!" practically every dorm door slams open allowing every girl in the place to bound out heading towards the entance hall, towards Zane!

"Ah Kalma, what a bitch!" Zane sighs before doing a prompt about turn and legging it as fast as his lanky form can pursued by a hundred love sick and crazed fan girls.

Zane knew retreating back to his Dorm was a bad idea, even if he barricaded himself in his room, he'd only have succeeded in boxing himself in, they could always wait him out, a group of kaiba fan girls camped outside his mansion for a whole year, unfortunetly Zane didn't own a helicopter or a liscence to fly one, and their was the slight problem of his dorm room, not having a landing pad as well.

The chase was on, Fear lent Zane wings in much the same way Red Bull does, but fan girls weren't human, they could go for days without a single pause, Zane ran passed the lake, the fan girls trampled past it waking and scaring the ducks. Zane ran passed the hot springs and across the bridge, the fangirls trampled passed the hot springs and shook the bridge as the followed Zane. Zane was beginging to tire, his second wind was helping him, but he wouldn't be able to keep this pace much longer he ran passed the Ra Yellow dorms, the fangirls trampled past the ra Yellow dorms braying and cheering, a frustraited Bastion gives up.

Zane was begining to stagger, his legs felt like lead, he'd ran around half the island, he had to find a place to hide fast, he tootered across the bridge connecting the Slifer dorm to the rest of the island and suddenly remembered hearing a group of slifers complaining about it "one good hurricane and we'll be cut of" one complained, backed up by one of his fellow slifers who retorts "a Hurricane? Man that bridge is so old a light breeze will do for it" Zane smiled lets put that to the test, he started leaping up and down in the middle of the bridge, the fan girls were getting closer and closer, it wasn't working it...snap, creak carck, snap! Zane lept for the other side only managing it as the entire bridge collaspes, trapping him on the Slifer side and the fan girls on the side of the rest of the island.

Taking a minute to catch his beath and smooth down his trechcoat, he recovers, gets up and strides over to the Slifer dorm, hopefully they can put him up for the night, he hoped Alexis would be OK for the moment, it was probably just one of Crowlers inane plans for furthering his career anyway.

He paused at the door to what he assumed was the Slifer dining room and opened the door, several Slifers looked up at the new arrival, Zane had an uncomftable bout of deja View before with an audible eek every single Slifer red ran away and hid.

Zane blinks twice "that was...unexpected" he comments to himself, he steps into the small room made up of several rows of tables along two collumbs "hello? Is there anyone here who can..." a stuttering voice yells back "sssorry but we-we're all all out at the momement, and can't duel you now, c-come back again lelater"

Zane sighs "I'm not here to duel any of you, I..look can someone wake Jaden I've dealt with him before"

A snort later and aother more confident voice calls out "have you tried waking Jaden?" they ask "Why do you think he's always in detention, it's impossible to wake him in time for lessons, how do you think we'll manage it when he's just fell asleep!"

"My brother Syrus then" Zane sighs, he wasn't bothered by the low rent Slifer acomadation, he was however bothered by the fact that every single Slifer was scared of him, he didn't have anything against the Slifers like his fellow obelisks did, it was really unnecessary of them to act that way.

A short while later a scared stiff and sleepy looking Syrus in his Dark Magician Girl pattened PJ's entered the room, and saw his brother sat at one of the tables, he gibbers and shakes as he approaches him "Big Bro" he greets him "what are you doing here"

Zane opened his mouth to reply and decides to leave out the rampart fan girl mob that chased him half way across the island "Bridges out" he says simply "I'll have to stay here untill it's repaired or an alternate route is devised by the academy officals" The sounds of many Slifers groaning can be heard in the background "but Ican see I'm not welcome here" the sounds of many slifers cheering can be heard in the back ground.

Syrus knows this was upset the other Slifers and bites his lip, but Jaden wouldn't have abandoned Zane either and besides he was his Brother and that countened for something "no you can stay Bro, it's the least I can do, normally we'd clear it with Professor Banner but since he's still missing I guess it will be ok for you to stay" The sounds of many Slifers booing and groaning could be heard.

"Thanks little Bro can you show me to a room, I'd like to at least try to get some sleep tonight" Syrus nods nervously, Zane doesn't like this, somethings up.

"Um basically were packed to the rafters, I share a room with Jaden and Chumley and I'm one of the lucky ones, some others share five to a room six!" Zane really didn't like where this was going "there is a room with just one in, you'll have to share with him"

"Who?" Zane asks already forming the answer in his mind "Chazz" replies Syrus apolageticly, but he's got lots of room"

0o0o0

"Who dares disturb The Chazz! Chazz thunder!" Chazz sat up in bed glaring at the intruders "you! Jaden's Dorky little four eyed..." catches sight of Zane "_freakywhitewearinggothkid_," he exclaims "What the Censored hell is he censored doing censored here!!"

Zane shakes his head "I had hoped transfering to north academy and back and been demoted to Slifer red would have changed you, I can see that hope was in vain"

"Can it, what are you doing here?" snaps Chazz hatefully "decided to slum it with the reds?"

"Sought of" replies Zane "I'm stranded here and so will be bunking with you for the time been"

"No Rutting way Chazz Thunder bunks alone"

"You really are quite pig headed aren't you"

Syrus sneaked out of the room and went back to bed let them argue about it by themselves, he was bushed.

Chazz had got up and was standing in front of Zane clad in his boxers yet he was still wearing his black north academy jacketover his bare torso, Zane wondered if Chazz always had a patterened pair of lightning bolt pants or as he had recently taken to calling himself Chazz Thunder bought them especially.

"Oh alright you can sleep on the couch, but don't think I'm not going to be keeping an eye on you" Chazz pointed from his eye to Zane several times and got back into bed, Zane shrugs it is Chazz after all and leant back on the Sofa streched across Chazz's bedroom door, he'd had to climb over it to get into the room.

Zane hadn't been surprised that deaspite his bluster Chazz had fallen almost immedietly into a deep sleep murmuring something about Natalie Portman, he didn't expect to fall asleep, the land of nod to coin a phrase always proved elusive to him, especially when he was been stalked by a cartoon chinchilla called Marcus, but for some inane reason as soon as his head hit the sofa arm the oblivion of unconsciousness overtook him.

Cue Dream Sequence

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman! Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman!

Zane ran along a darkened fog covered alley he was wearing an all white suit with blue lines running down the edges, a trechcoat on top, was emblazed with a black occult symble on the front, he was wearing eyeliner and had two clip on ear rings and black inked symbles drawn along one side of his face, his hair was the ussual aqua marine blue colour.

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman! Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman!

Chazz ran up to the now bewilded Zane from down the alley he was wearing the classic eye covering black mask and a red bottom side and green top side cape over his black jacket and he wore yellow short spandex shorts, his bare legs must have been freezing, his black spikey hair had been groomed to the point where it was now flatened but still long and wavy.

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman! Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman!

_Showtime presents the new adventures of Gothman and Spazzer_

Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman! Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Da, Gothman!

"What the.." Zane looked around his eyes nearly popping out of his head as he see's Spazzer "Chazz!?"

Chazz shivers and seethes "this all your fault _freakywhitewearinggothkid_!" he points his finger accusingly at Gothman who sighs "hjow's it my fault?" he asks, looking at himself in distaste, "wait I'm slumming it in your room, this all began when I laid my head against the sofa arm..." he snaps his fingers "that must be wear you hide the drugs or solvents, this is all a drug induced dream"

Spazzer glares at gothman "I don't hide drugs in that sofa, it's just a sofa" Chazz claims "Oh so where do you hide them?" Zane asks simply because he couldn't think of anything else to say to a drug induced halucination "i don't do drugs!" yells Spazzer.

"So you admit to been like that without the influence of mind altering drugs?" Gothman asks his trust sidekick before realising "this isn't just me is it, you really are Chazz and whatever's going on it's affecting both of us" Zane states slowly.

Spazzer nods his head "I demand an apolagy!" Chazz yells "you accused me of doing drugs apolagise!"

Gothman swallows his pride "fine I apolagise for mistaking your many personality problems and bizar attitude for the effects of inubating and illegal substances"

Spazzer considers this "wait a minute, personality problems? That's an insult init!"

Zane smiles coldly "it's the most sincere apolagy you'lll get out of me" he says, Chazz grumbles about bloody seniors under his breath but doesn't press the issue.

_Guest Starring this week the Kittycatwoman!_

Alexis in a black latex cat suit materilises leaning against a lampost nearby in a sexy pose, whe's goth the cat ear mask, the cat claw gloves and everything.

Kittycatwoman "what, where, how" she looks at herself as best she can "Oh great, I agreed to wear a Harpie Ladies costume for the stupid spirit day thing, not whatever this is supposed to be" Alexis complains to whoever was listening, the audiance, Gothman and Spazzer.

She catches sight of Zane and Chazz "wow they really did a number on you two too what are you supposed to be I don't reconise the costumes"

Spazzeer drools over the hot Kittycatwoman, Gothman sighs "were trapped in a batman parady aren't we" he adresses the heavens not expecting nor reciving a reply.

Alexis blinks "Batman...Zane what's going on" she slinks towards the Dynamite Duo, her lip quivering.

Chazz grins at her shaply form "you clean up better than Julie Newmar Lexy" he leers and cowers as Kittycatwoman flexes her claws to strike him.

"Hold it Gothfreak and Spazzy boy!" a sneering voice laughs and the owner of the voice steps out of the shadows, dressed in a business suit and holding a suitcase his face fixed in a permament smile the Witty Phantom laughs out loud.

"Witty phantom" Zane takes a step back "he tortured Kaiba in the virtual world, be careful he's dangerous" Alexis sighs "Zane what do you think this is? Yugioh Abridged? We can't reference the other Yugioh series willy nilly" Chazz rests a hand on Kittycatwoman "I on the other..."

"Finish that sentenance and lose it" Kittycatwoman clicks her claws threateningly "these aren't just for show you know" Spazzer removes his hand from Alexis.

"Isn't it obvious" the Witty Phatom removes a tommy gun from his suitcase "I'm the Joker get it? Haa, haa, haa, ha, haa!" he stops laughing "dieing time" he fires but instead of fireing bullets the tommy gun fires eggs which splaater over Gothmans Trechcoat, and Kittycatwoman's catsuit and score a direct hit right in the kisser on Spazzer.

"Haa, haa. ha. haa, ha, ha, ha, not eggxactly what you were eggspecting" laughs the Joker/Witty phantom maniacly.

"Urg this is redicules, even for Duel Academy" Alexis smears the eggs down her front in an atempt to remove the worst of them.

**we interupt this dream sequence to announce that oweing to DC been a bunch of humoress jerks who wouldn't know a good parady if it bit them in the ass, Gothman and spazzer has been cancelled in it's place...**

_Showtime is proud to present the X-Boys and Girl_

The by the book strict Leader Zane Truesdale, a mutant gifted with laser eyes, which he can't control meaning if he opens his eyes without a protective sheilded red pair of shades he'll blast anything he looks out with his destructive power, so not really gifted as cursed in this case. His secret identity is...Zyclops!

Zane wearing a tight blue and yellow spandex suit ribbling with abs and muscles wearing a large red visor covering his eyes, is standing in an X shaped beam of white light.

The brash animalistic and uncontrolable Chazz Princeton, experiment on by the government (not to mention dropped on his head a couple of times as a child, Zane stop ad libbing) a mutant cursed with a healing factor meaning he can be whumped as many times as you like and still come back for more, and an adumantium skelaton, forming sharp razor spikes in his hair. His secret identity is...Porcupine!

Chazz wearing a tight yellow and black spandex suit, rippling with even more abs and muscles than is realistically possable wearing a mask over his head with his spiky black hair sticking out the top and glistening is standing in an X shaped beam of white light.

The Sexy, Gorgeous and attactive Love intrest for Zyclops and Porcupine, to allow a complicated love triangle to emerge later on in the series Alexis Rhodes, A female mutant gifted with Telapathic and Telekinetic powers (reads minds, and moves stuff with her mind) Her secret identiy is...the Fantastic Fanta Girl!

Alexis is wearing the tightest uniform of all, a yellow and green spandex suit that shows of her ample curves, especially her backside (read the comics, it's true!) her hair had been dyed red for her role and she was standing in an X shaped beam of light.

Zane looks around through his visor "well this is a step down" he sighs, Chazz flexs his muscles "are you kidding" he says "I could knock the stupid jerks into the middle of next week with this body" Alexis shakes her head "why are the few female members always made into sex items?" she asks "it's incredibly sexist"

They step out of the light beams, they are now clad in black leather uniforms with a grey stylised X on the back, in fitting Alexis's tighter than the other two's and again shows of her ass, Zane is wearing a pair of ruby lense shades in place of the visor.

A shadowy figure in a wheelchair obscured by shadows greets and approaches them in a grating voice "It is only fitting you should bear witness to my triumph!" he moves out of the shadows reveled as a wizened old man, eyes sunkern and sightless, writhered with age, a glowing blue 'eye' in the center of his foreward, his right hand a metal claw, his wheelchair a black base studded with grey bumbs pauses as he smiles cruely "the triumph of Davros Lord and Creator of the Darl...wait a second" his chair moves foreward, he seems to look at the three mutants in confusion, his voice changes subtly becoming normal "my apolagises, wrong studio it's the mask you know, can't see a bloody thing through it" he leaves acompanied by two tank like robots weilding sink plunngers, Zane, alexis and Chazz anime sweatdrop.

A man wearing jedi like robes approaches them, he seems to glide along rather than walk "Ah new students" he greets in a friendly yet vacant voice "I am Professor Banner, but you may call me Professor Banner" he smiles disarmingly at them, his eyes mere slits "I am the head of the Kaiba institute for further education and development of gifted and talented youngsters, mutants like yourselfs"

"Wait Seto Kaibas a mutant?" Chazz asks arragantly "since when?"

"Since always" claims Banner "didn't you find it strange that he his appearance hasn't changed since he was sixteen years old, he hasn't aged in years, how else do you think he could run a company such as Kaiba corp staying ahead of his competitors all these years ever since before he had reached his teens?"

"Okay we get it already" Alexis says "but what..." she is cut of by Professor Banner "follow me, I will take you to your class"

Chazz steps foreward "now wait a minute I demand..." Banner opens his eyes a fraction "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I'LL BE GOOD, I'LL DO AS YOU WANT!"

Banner recloses his eyes "I thought so, walk this way" he glides away, Alexis and Zane swap reluctant glances and dragging the twitching Chazz along by his ankles follow Professor banner.

They enter an elavator and a few seconds later leave to find themselves in different suroundings, gone are the grey metal corridors and artificial lights to be replaced by wooden pannels and big windows, the find themselves in a large mansion escorted along by Banner.

They pass a full classroom with familar faces teaching the class is the silver haired and black skinned Storm, the Weather Witch, other students such as Iceman, Rogue, Pyro, Shadowcat, Multiple and Jubilee were there among the other less known students, they pass the class without banner so much as looking back.

"In here please" the doors open on there own and allow the three new muants to enter the room "I will fetch your instructer" Banner leaves, befor ethey can take in their surroundings Chazz gets nailed, decked repeatedly punched in the vicitnity of his spleen and finally is nocked into the middle of next week and against the wall leaving a dent in it.

"Ha! All tremble at the might of Me! Kat POW4H L4D33 NU1B1NAT107!"


	3. from Weird to Bizarre

Chapter 3) from weirder to even weirder: Introducing the Oc's

Character list:

Alexis Rhodes: The main character and the sanest who as the last chapter was halfway finished without an appearance from the main character she some how ended up in the other main characters dream sequence while dressed as Cat woman (from DC) for reasons I can't be bothered to go into right now. She is currently however wearing a tight leather X-persons uniform; she also has the power of telekinesis.

Zane Truesdale: The second main character and the second most sanest. He has however proved he isn't all that smart by walking voluntarily into the girls Dorm, after escaping the horde of rabid fan girls in a breakneck chase around the Island he's forced to share a room with Chazz while sheltering at the Slifer Dorm where by they both were immediately sucked into a Batman Parody but it wasn't working (the DC lawyers threatened to take me for every penny I've got (£5. 90 if your interested) ) The Parody was shifted to the X-Men (as Marvel pretty much don't care so long as they've got another movie in the pipe line.) Oh before I forget he has those laser beam eye thingies.

Chazz Princeton: The third main character and basically a big spazz head (hee, Chazz the Spazz!) he has numerous mental defects and emotional problems that are apparently not a result of solvent abuse which would have explained so much. His power is really cool as he can whumped a gazillion times and still live through it to be whumped some more.

Kat: OC, an insane and exceedingly violent Ra Yellow student who enjoys bringing down a major smack down on the scourge of her existence the Obelisks! She is the Self proclaimed enemy of all Obelisks and currently has super strength and is beating up Chazz.

Sam: OC, Kat's roomy a hardworking Ra Yellow student and the only one who can control Kat (and because of this she is currently running out of bricks and the chloroform bills are crippling.) She has mind control powers which make controlling Kat that much easer.

Joku: OC... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...That say's it all…Matter bending powers.

Josephine: OC, a wimpy Obelisk Blue student whom Kat has befriended whether she wanted her to or not she is currently in possession of Zane's student ID but has yet to work up the courage to return it, she can see Duel spirits and they all tell her to grow a backbone, Her power? Invisibility, what else?

Akiro: OC, All of the staff keep insisting he's dead even though he clearly isn't and despite his protests to the contrary his presence is firmly ignored, he has since given up trying to convince anyone that he is alive and has taking to making documentaries entitled Who Cares About Your Opinion. His power is Technopathic in nature.

The Actual chapter begins here.

"I'm Juko a bandy legged solemn faced short kid floating cross legged wearing a cape that was flapping in a non-existent breeze declares.

"I'm in pain" moans Chazz from his position crumpled up on the floor as his bones knitted back together after been pounded by an uber strong psychopathic girl who answered to the name Kat the N00B1NAT0R!

"Could you repeat that?" Akiro asks him wearing a blue tracksuit his left eye glowing a terminator red as he recorded the image of Chazz bruised and battered and uploaded it directly from his brain to the internet, leaning in closer for a close up.

"I'm in pain" Chazz moans a little louder Akiro considers this "good" he comments smirking down at Chazz before Kat grabs him as well, before he can so much as scream in girlish fear she throws him out of the window.

"Now that was completely unnecessary" protests Zane behind his cool red shades "he was only making fun of Chazz, so where's the harm?" he asks Kat who seems to triple in size her muscles bulging as her skin turns dark green in colour "Kat smash, Kat smash puny obelisks!" she growls.

"Ah not so much the Incredible Hulk as more an Indomitable Sulk" comments Zane. Kat lets out a roar of sheer undiluted rage as she raises a beefy fist back to clobber the living day lights out of Zane (as opposed to clobbering the undead night lights out of Chazz) But Alexis sends a wave telekinetic energy sending Kat flying into the far wall.

"Thank You" Zane thanks Alexis for her timely intervention. Chazz pulls himself back onto his feet almost fully recovered "couldn't you have done that when she attacked me the first time?" he asks irritated "why? You'll heal" she replies "but I can still feel pain!" he exclaims.

"You'd have been surprised to hear what I felt when I cosplayed Lina inverse at an Anime convention" Joku sighs contentedly "I still have the guys number" he continues causing everyone in ear shot to blanch "unfortunately the restraining order doesn't run out for another two years" he says freaking out the others "but I got to keep the costume"

Suddenly every ones attention is refocused back on Kat who pulls herself back to her feet shaking the wall dust of herself before attacking once more, this time Zane removes his specs and blasts her with red laser beam thingies but Kat is apparently unharmed by the intense energy beams and is merely slowed down.

"Where's Sam?" Alexis looks around the room for her "she's the only one who could ever handle Kat" Akiro whistles to her from his vantage point hanging onto the window ledge with a death grip which was sensible considering he was hanging out of a third story window and gestures over behind Kat where Sam lay under the indentation where Kat crashed into the wall, three canaries flew around her head their busted cage lying open beside Sam who had been accidentally knocked out when Alexis sent Kat flying into her before.

"Oops" offers Alexis "my bad" "I could save you" Juko claims regarding the scene with unconcerned eyes "then do something you freaky…freak" snarks Chazz, Juko shakes his head "Please Juko, ignore Chazz he's always been an idiot, could you help us please" Zane tries politeness but still fails as Juko replies "I could, I won't"

"Please Juko…" Alexis inwardly winces "…for me?" she tries to put a seductive tone in her voice but even this fails as Juko shakes his head once again. "Why in the name of the God cards not?" Zane demands his eyes were getting sore but he daren't blink as Kat as only three feet away from them and inching closer every second.

"No" replies Joku "you were rude about my cosplaying I'll have you know I was a magnificent Bulma" he claims. Zane suddenly found himself going rapidly of the idea of renting out the new Dragon Ball Z film. "We never said a thing" retorts Alexis. "You were thinking it!" screams Juko tears in his eyes.

Kat was now two feet away and her arms were a mere inch away from killing either Zane, Alexis or killing Chazz and then killing him some more as he keeps coming back to life.

"You're not a mind reader" states Zane despair evident in his voice. "Oh yeah" Joku realizes this and looks scandalized. "Never mind that help us, do something!" Chazz, Zane and Alexis scream in union as Kat's hands reach around Zane's neck he closes his eyes shutting of the twin beams of destruction and braces himself for the end.

"Cease and desist evil fiend" roars Juko standing tall (about four foot six) his feet were still hovering an inch above the ground as he confronted his foe "or face a true hero" Kat lets go of Zane who is still breathing and lumbers over to Joku she looks him up and down and burst out laughing.

**!Fight Data!**

**Kat **aka the** Indomitable Sulk** she has transformed using all her hatred for Obelisks into a Green towering giantess of streamlined muscle, well of muscle lots of muscle, she's so strong she could lift up a sedan family car in one hand with the family inside (even a family of fatties) she's strong enough to tie knots in lampposts and can even remove the lids of those fiddly little jam jars without resorting to a hack saw.

**Juko **aka **? **The weirdo who likes cosplaying women characters, often found offering cryptic advise that creeps the hell out of anyone in ear shot, rumored to be part-demon but since the Demon kind's protest he has been classed as a serious freak of nature, It should be noted that he gets on well with Belowski who considers him to be a dark horse.

"Not this body" Juko hisses "this is my disguised form on this mortal coil, my normal form"

"Normal?" asks Chazz. "If that's a disguise it's a damn good one" whispers Zane.

Juko doesn't seem to hear them which is probably for the best "and now I shall reveal my true form" he spins around and does a quick step "magical transformation sequence!" he screams raising his right hand he presses his first two fingers against a collar around his neck, Alexis just makes out a pink heart shaped stone set in it before Juko announces "Marmalade Flash!" He's obscured in light as his clothes are ripped from his body (thankfully the light is blinding so we are spared been traumatized for life, and I don't have to up the rating of the fic) a new set of clothes a sparkling pink costume with black leggings and a heart shaped opening around the bosom, a pink wig appears over his head and a sword with a yellow heart shaped guard and a pink handle materializes and is caught by Joku who strikes a sexy super sentai pose.

Alexis, Chazz and Zane are gob smacked, Akiro contemplates letting go and ending it all there "goodbye cruel world" he calls out letting go and falling to his inevitable demise (if it's inevitable, don't worry he survived it somehow)

"Who pink wussy boy?" Kat growls. "I am not a wussy boy" claims Juko his voice high pitched and accented in fan girl Japanese "I am Cutie Marmalade sexy warrior of luuuurrrve" he flutters his eyelashes and quickly stamps a pink heart transfer onto his cheek.

"Kill me now" cries Chazz, "I second that" Alexis recoils in horror, "as much as I hate to agree with Chazz…I agree with Chazz" states Zane.

"Kat hate Pink" declares Kat "Kat smash pink wussy boy" Kat thumps her stomach giving of a sound like a rapid fire gong.

Juko jumps up in the air and whirls around whipping up his sword he cries out "Marmaladeeeee Flash!" he slashes his sword in Kat's direction and an enormous pink explosion follows, when the smoke clears alexis, Chazz and Zane stand up unharmed while sitting beside a desk on the floor knee's pulled up to his chin Juko had reverted back to "(ab)normal mode" he pulls a spoon out of thin air and starts poking Sam. Of Kat there was no sign, there was however a large smoking hole where the wall had been.

Alexis, Chazz and Zane just stare at Juko who glances at them as if to say "what?" before returning to poking Sam.

Alexis opens her mouth closes it swallows and asks "I thought this was an X-men parady what's with CutXX honXX…Cutie Marmalade?" (edited to avoid infringement of the harsh MVM copyright laws) "well it's been a while since he last updated" Zane says (My bad) "he's gone of the x-men since then" Chazz nods his head "tall condensing and gothic is right he's got the new CutiXX honXX movie on DVD and has downloaded the Japanese TV series" he sighs "I'll never be able to look at Kisaragi Hanī again without picturing Juko" he shudders.

Alexis folds her arms crossly "guess you'll have to find some other shameless smut to drool over" she says sarcastically. "I'm going to regret this" mutters Zane "but for I'd suggest Negima or Desert Punk for you, I personally prefer the more sedate Shana or Ouran High School Host Club" he suggests.

Alexis looks at Zane in a new light "wow I never knew you liked Ouran Host club Zane" she comments "not many people do" he replies "I'm kind of a fan of it to" continues Alexis. Chazz rolls his eyes "are you a man or not?" he asks Zane "you oughta be watching anime like Ikkii Touson or Tenjho Tenge"

Joku raises his hand and waves to attract their attention away from their anime geek discussion "please don't tell us you've cosplayed any of the characters from them" Chazz begs him.

"Okay I won't…tell you" Joku looks at them shiftily "but there is one thing I can tell you, an all important piece of information that men, women, and cross dressing alien sheep would kill to possess!"

"And that is?" asks Zane adding "I ask with a due sense of dread and dire expectations of what you'll come out with"

Joku looks around and beckons them closer "I will now tell you what I know, I will not tell you how I know or why I know only what I know"

Chazz briefly considers slamming Joku's head repeatedly into the ground to try and make him shut up, remembers Kat and how he dealt with her and thinks better of it.

Joku pokes Sam savagely to confirm she wasn't faking unconsciouness, she wasn't, "come closer" he gestures them to come in closer he looks around as though worried someone was spying on them and leans over towards them, he opens his mouth and...

The End.

Chazz: that was it?

Zane: the suspence is killing me what could Joku possibly tell us I just can't stand it, I just can't.

Alexis: (whistles) tone back the sarcasm Zane he did after all save us from Kat who knows maybe he has something important to say that will further the plot.

Joku: I am Joku.

Zane: I rest my case.

Akiro: first batman and the the X-men what next? although I'm glad no one actully got to see me in costume as the Riddler.

Joku: (behind his back, hands out the photo's he took of Akiro in a green catsuit decorated with black Question marks.

Sam: Was I in this chapter all I remmeber is a massiv head ache and a stabbing pain in my butt.

Everyone glares at Juko who was presently dressed in blue bell bottems wearing a cowboy hat and a matt black t-shirt with a slogan "it wasn't me"he turns around revealing a different slogan on the back "it was really"

Joesphine: i don't want to sound pushy (don't worry you won't) but I can't remember been in this chapter either.

Akiro: You were invisable, so you wern't seen in this chapter.

Kat: I wanna go back to the star wars parady so I can blow up Chazz with the death star!

Akiro: there wasn't a star wars parady although...you may have noticed Jerex has gone of the X-men.

Sam: I don't even remember him been into the X-men.

Alexis: my bad...yeah so?

Zane: even after he went to see the Wolverine movie?

Chazz: pfft that movie sucked big time.

Akiro:...no it didn't...but that's beside the point, the new Star Trek film finally lured him in and he's got completly hooked!

Alexis: No! It can't be!

Joku: (nods his head sadly)

Chazz: Oh hell no! There's no way I'm been written by a...a...a. (to disgusted to say it)

Akiro: yes! (pauses for dramatic effect) he's been converted into a Trekkie!

Sam: (shivers) Once you're a trekkie there's no going back, you can never escape the stigma.

Akiro: It's worse than you know.

Zane: It usually is.

Kat (nose wrinkled in disqust) It can't be he's a trekkie!

Akiro: He's changed his ringtone from Propane Nightmares to the Star Trek theme.

Chazz: It's worse than we thought.

Akiro: He's been practicing the Vulcan salute.

Alexis: Not the live long and so on…oh God!

Akiro: He's ordered the original series special edition boxset from HMV and is checking out the original movies.

Zane: Actully some of those movies were actully quite good…(tails of as everone death glares him)…sorry.

Akiro: He says "beam me up scotty" whenever he enters a lift, he calls his uncle a Romulan Dog but then he is a Romulan Dog.

Alexis: He isn't refering to his Cell Phone as a Comunicator is he?

Akiro: (nods his head solumnly)

Chazz: shit!

Joku: (dramatically) Is he running around with a water pistle which he refers to as a phaser claiming he's combating the Klingon invasion of 94?

Akiro…No he isn't but don't give him any ideas.

Zane: And do you know what's even worse?

Chazz: Nothing even been a millwall fan beats been a Trekkie hands down.

Zane: Theres still another chapter or even several chapters left to go…(everyone either shudders, screams or faints)…my feelings exactly.


End file.
